I hope that it wasn’t the childhood trauma
or the loss of a father.
The subsequent search for approval,
or the horrible relationship she had as a young adult.
The addiction to alcohol,
she started drinking when she was only 14.
The weed she was smoking at high school parties,
or the acid she was taking in the woods with her friends.
I met her shortly after her father died.
I was always jealous of that loser she carried around with her.
We smoked weed and drank beer together at high school parties.
We did LSD in the woods with each other.
I like to believe that it happened after I moved away.
That was when her latest loser boyfriend turned her onto heroin.
In my mind it was that evil drug that did it to her.
Forced her to turn tricks on the rainy streets of my hometown.
It had to be the heroin.
Not many people come back from a heroin addiction.
It isn’t like all the party drugs and stuff we used to do together.
I know for sure it was that loser she runs with that did it.
If it was the childhood trauma or the loss of her father,
the alcohol, the weed, the high school parties,
or the hippie drugs in the woods…
then the loss of this friend is my fault.
— leest1 —