I almost wrote “funny.” Funny how… this happens. Funny how… people do this or that. Funny isn’t the word for it though. I think confusing, ironic or abnormal might be better words to use. They’re all an attempt to describe a memory I was having about an old crush. She was a year behind me in school. We had met earlier, but it took a television production class my senior year for us to really get to know each other. She was dating one of my friends. He was off to college that fall and she was just so warm and sarcastic. She smiled so big, and laughed at my jokes. At that point in my life, I really needed friends. She was one of the best.
The confusing part to me is how those memories play out in my mind. We were young, never even boyfriend and girlfriend, I was always afraid to kiss her. I called her every night though, for months. I listened to her talk about things that are only important to 17 year old girls. I pushed her on swings. We walked and held hands in her family’s orchard. She broke my heart… I skipped town. For years, after I moved away, I would call her every now and then, just to say hello. I must have written 100’s of letters explaining how much she meant to me. Never sent one, though.
Hard to believe that I’m all grown up now, carrying almost 32 years. Those times are long gone. My memories tell me that I was bitter, because she started playing kissy-face with some other guy. It isn’t like that now though. I see pictures every once in a while on facebook… she was such a beautiful bride. She still smiles real big. The memories I have now are more about how those hour long phone conversations and nervous knocks on her front door, kind of opened me up inside. That old high-school crush, she made my heart grow abnormally large, helped me make room for other things, other people. She’s married now. I’m engaged. We’ve gone separate ways. The irony is where I would be had I not hung for hours, on every word she said.
—– Lee St1—–